Trying to be incredible

I feel there are a few blocks between where I am now and where I could be. (For a start I don't know where I wan't to be!) I always felt like I should try and be as 'amazing' as I could be, try to strive for excellence I suppose. The problem being that I don't think anyone starts off at the top of where they should be. I think when I find myself at the bottom of a hill its more like I'm at the bottom of a valley, with many hills and I don't know where to head. I'm so confused with which direction to take that I'm not even sure if all the paths go anywhere.

The other week I was watching a documentary on the BBC about Pink Floyd called 'Wish You Were Here' about, strangely enough the writing of the album of the same name. Roger Waters was talking about writing the title track. Quoting the line, "did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead roll in a cage". He said he wrote that line to remind him that that's the kind of person he wanted to be, not in the background somewhere at a desk, but in  the trenches, at the front of the battle.

He's right, isn't he? That's where I want to be. I want to make a credible difference in my life, to get up each morning and know that I'm not just letting the world rush by while I stand still. And when I think about that I'm excited to start *something* new... but what? I have a feeling that the answer is kicking about somewhere in my head but I can't access it. If you'll allow me to indulge in metaphor and similie once more, its like the answer it sitting at the back of my head but its surrounded by words and thoughts and deadwood that needs to be cleared, I need a mental vacuum cleaner to clear it all away. I think I need to 'write it out' and perhaps I'll find it.

I started this blog as my 'safe space' for writing, perhaps sometimes I may sound self-indulgent in what I write, but I just feel this is what I have to do to find a path. I wrote the title before I started writing as I felt that's what I wanted to write about. 'Incredible' can be widely interpreted, I just want to feel like I'm not stagnating. I need to start doing things to 'enrich the spirit and feed the imagination' as they say (I'm sure they say that don't they?) I rely on others too much for my own spiritual fulfillment, I'm the one who needs to take responsibility for me, so that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to stop living to work, I'm going to start working to live. But how? Watch this space I guess...